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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

What Do You Believe In?

  
I recently had a disturbing conversation with my eighty-seven year old mother, which isn’t unusual because so many of my conversations with Mom these days are unsettling. While it’s common for the elderly to focus on the past, claiming everything was better in the “old days,” my mother has chosen to see the world through a dark lens. For her, everything is horrible. The world is tearing apart at the seams. America is on its last legs. Our freedoms are being whittled away and all politicians should be taken out and shot.
      
In truth, my mother has always been as supportive of the Federal government as a bootlegger hiding a still during Prohibition. When I point this out to her she claims I’m telling a big fat lie. I’ve encouraged her to prove me wrong.
      
A recent conversation went like this: “Mom, if it’s true you don’t hate your government, say one good thing about it.”
      
“There isn’t anything good about it. Socialism is destroying America, and if you weren’t so blinded by your liberal views, if you didn’t swallow all the malarkey you read on that computer machine of yours instead of learning to think for yourself, you’d see that I’m right.”
      
I ignored the socialism comment because, like most Americans, Mom doesn’t understand what socialism is. “I notice, Mom, that you didn’t answer my question. Surely there’s something good about the government. Your Social Security checks arrive on time, your mail is delivered promptly, you have fine healthcare cover—”
      
“I pay for those things!” she snapped, cutting me off.
      
I listened patiently as she continued to disparage not only our country (offering a feeble excuse for not voting even though our state has mail-in ballots) but also religion (Muslims in particular), healthcare and young people everywhere. “Prices on everything are too high,” she said, “and there’s nothing to watch on TV in spite of all the channels.”
      
I pressed on. “Mom, I’ve known you for nearly sixty years, and in that time you’ve managed to detail all the things you don’t believe in. But I’m curious; what do you believe in?”
     
 “I don’t understand the question.”
      
“Yes you do. Mom, I know you don’t normally take me seriously, but this is important; I need your help because you’ve been blessed with eighty-seven years of life and who’s in a better position to answer my question than you. So I ask again: What do you believe in?”
      
“It’s a trick question. I refuse to answer.”
     
 That was as far as I got, except to suggest to my mother that I’d hate to sit at the banquet of life at her age only to find myself starving. My mother is an unhappy camper, and since she’s blessed with great health and a sharp but cynical mind I can plan on her being unhappy for many years to come.
      
A philosopher once said: The unexamined life isn’t worth living. I believe this, more so as I approach the sunset of my life. I was disappointed that, at the very least, my mother didn’t say she believed in her family. In me! But Mom did provide something I desperately need—she prompted the question I must answer for myself: What do I believe in?
      
After considerable thought I had my answer: I believe in my family and know I am loved, and capable of returning love. I believe in my imperfect country. I haven’t given up on the dream that is America even though we’ve often diluted our principles with arrogance and greed. I believe that people everywhere want the same things I do—dignity, security and opportunities for their children in a world free from fear. I believe terrorists will never speak for the vast majority of people on this planet, and that building schools and hospitals will always be more rewarding than blowing them up. I believe that good-hearted people will always make a difference in the lives of those they touch.   
     
 People often ask, “What is the meaning of life? Are we flukes of nature, cosmic mistakes, or is there a reason we are here? I’m beginning to think we’re here to answer this simple question: What do I believe in?
      

37 comments:

  1. You're right that we should focus on the positive but so many of us prefer to just always see the glass as half-empty. It's how we cope with things I guess.

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  2. So very well said. I like to think that the more we focus on what we do believe instead of what we don't and what we feel is wrong about what others believe, the more fulfilling life we'll live.

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  3. Excellent post.

    I believe a Higher Power is looking over me and protecting me, whether I realize it or not. I believe our FORM of government was devised by a remarkable group of people who would probably be saddened by it's execution today. I believe a few bad apples can yell louder and get more attention that all the rest of us even though they don't deserve it. I'm a glass-half-full guy. ;)

    S

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  4. What a shame that your mother is having trouble appreciating her blessings because she is focusing on her perception of the world's/country's problems . I have an 87 year old friend I have been meeting for coffee each week for about 3 years. She, too, has gotten so negative, it is often hard to be around her. On the other hand, she has a lot of interesting life experiences that I enjoy hearing about. I would hope 27 years from now you and I aren't like that but who knows?? (Just for the fun of it I should say something like...we will probably be dead because there will be no affordable healthcare...just kidding)



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  5. By my calculations, your mother was born in 1925. That means she's old enough to remember the second world war in some sort of detail, right? Doesn't she think that the world has become a better place since that time?

    Also, a government that takes responsibility for it's citizens is not a socialist government. I hope your mother doesn't let these bitter thoughts chew her up too much.

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  6. your mom sounds just like my late grandmother. i believe that i'll be alright in everything i do as long as i dont let greed and pride set in.

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  7. The older we get the more set in our ways we become. Greed has been around since the beginning of time. It's not just the rich that feel greed. I too think our country is misdirected right now. To vilify corporate America is not the answer. We need corporate America as we need the government. We just have too much government and they are chipping at our freedoms more every single day. Both sides of the aisle. Government is trying to regulate the way we think, and I disagree with that very much so. You cannot successfully regulate what I have to accept or not accept. All you do is drive that underground.

    What to I believe in? My family, my pursuit of happiness is mine to form and live in the way I see fit. My spiritual beliefs are my business, as long as I'm not hurting anyone else. My life is mine to shape and mold in anyway I see fit. My right to succeed is based on my drive to set objectives then achieve them. The government may help in that, but ultimately it's my hard work that will get me where I want to go. I've never let anything stop my dreams. I'm hoping that the youth (our future) will dream.

    Have a terrific day. :)

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  8. Sandra Day O'Connor, Supreme Court Justice and Republican, said upon retiring, "It is my party that is destroying this country." Republicans (not democrats) are the ones that I see who are dependent on government handouts. Mitt Romney has now infamously come out against the so called 47%. But as Brooks wrote in his New York Times column, "Who are these 47%" Are they old people on social security? Are they wounded veterans? Are they rich folks who live on capital gains from investments and are able to deduct losses on their income tax forms? Or are they the Mormon man with four kids who makes 50,000 a year and then doesn't pay any taxes because of child deductions?

    The tired old hat of "socialism" piled on the lips of folks who repeat what Sean Hannity says on Fox News really PISSES ME OFF. Lies Lies Lies. They say "Obama wants to take away your guns!" Yet in the four years that he's been president, Obama has been more gun-friendly than his predecessor George W. Bush! They say, "Obama is a socialist!" And they have no idea what the word even means. He believes in free market, but the democratic party wants the rich 1% in this country to PAY THEIR FAIR SHARE. Let the Bush era tax cuts on capital gains expire. Make it so that Romney has to pay 25% just like I do on my tax forms. But no! They call that "class warfare!" Well I got news for any republican pundit out there that reads my words, Romney divided the nation more than anything Obama has ever said or done. In what he said on that tape placed on Mother Jones website, he clearly said that he was writing off half of this fucking country, that he was not interested in peace in the middle east, and even offered advice on how Iran could hurt America by using a dirty bomb in Chicago.

    Obama doesn't say those things. Not even close.

    Republicans pound "socialism" and they insist on "birth certificates" even when Obama's birth certificate is so common now you can get it on a coffee cup!

    When I hear all of these things, I think, "what you really want is a white president."

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    1. The 47% refers to those who don't pay income taxes. Remember the "I am the 99%?" talk last year? Some came out and called themselves the 53%: Those that actually pay taxes. Romney was referring to the 47% who don't pay taxes, and are therefore leeches on society (in his eyes).

      *cue the NBC 'and now you know' rainbow*

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    2. He also referred to those who could work, but don't.

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  9. As far as my beliefs, they are the same as yours. I'm going to be 78 this month & life continues to amuse me, as it always has! My philosophy--"Don't sweat the small stuff--& it's ALL small stuff!"

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  10. I believe in term limits for congress. Obamacare for all, including the legislators that passed the law. The government aristocracy passes and shoots down laws that they are all immune to, and I think this is one of the major things ruining this country.

    It doesn't affect THEM, so they're disjointed from the actual process.

    I believe the US needs some major reform, and I believe neither party is willing to do it. I believe I am losing faith in our government, but not for the reasons your mom listed.

    I also believe that Anne Hathaway needs to go out on a date with me, so I can die a happy man.

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  11. I want all the same things, but am beginning to lose faith that we will ever get back to being the nation that I love. I pray that I am wrong.

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  12. wow, that's got to be an exhausting way to live life. these days in light of recent events in my own life and on the national and world stages i am struggling with anger and cynicism and i find myself tiresome. i know i need to find my balance again because this is not who i want to be. i can't imagine dwelling in this emotional space for 87 years. i am sorry your mother has such a bleak outlook but glad you have found a way to use it to propel yourself toward more positive and proactive ways of viewing life and dealing with what it hands you.

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  13. btw, i believe those of us who use the sh!t life hands us as fertilizer for bringing forth better versions of ourselves are the happiest.

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  14. Like your mother I do fear for this country but not due to socialism. The money is way out of balance in favor of the rich. They did not make this money on hard work. The wealthy have worked hard to manipulated rules and codes so that they can continue to do what they want. Most people do not know how many banks are being charged with fraud, theft, and even blackmail!! Yes, the big famous named banks and investment firms are as crooked as the mafia and those who hide their heads in the sand will rue the day we loose all control.

    I believe in love, fairness, respect for beliefs, hard work, and all of those shoulders on whom I stand.

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  15. I think a lot of the older generations have seen things change so much and everything probably sucks a lot more than it did back then. It's not that bad though, could always be worse I think!

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  16. You ask a big question and have answered it yourself with what I bet the vast majority of Americans would agree with, at least I hope so.

    My mother is 91, a die-hard conservative, feeding on Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity, slowly going looney in her old age. And she votes.

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  17. I believe in kindness, charity, community, and faith (in many forms). I believe in working for what I want, providing for my children, and respecting my parents. I still believe in the Golden Rule and that a smile can change someone's day, if not their life. I believe in freedom and what this country used to stand for. I believe that the lessons we teach our children today will mold the country of our future. I believe in having love for your fellow man.

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  18. I believe in God. It was sad to read about your mom. I hope she does find something to feel joyful about.

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  19. An engaging and thought provoking post! A great way to add value to the day for sure.
    I believe in the infinite capacity of the human spirit and its ability to lift the value of life. I believe in the power of creation and creativity. I believe that aside from creativity, love is the greatest good of human endeavor. I believe in the intelligence that hardwired the human mind, imagination and soul, no matter by what word or image we define it.

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  20. I'm sorry that your Mom always sees the glass as completely empty. This is a part of obsessive compulsives not saying that your mother is obsessive compulsive. You have managed to ask a good question. It would be my guess that many people, like your mother, would not answer it. I don't think they want to face that reality in lie.

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  21. I believe in America, too. It's very tough to deal with people who are so negative, but I think many older folks feel the same way your mom does -- or at least that's the impression I get from the emails they circulate. I can tell you something Favorite Young Man told me when he was in confirmation class. He said that the meaning of life is Jesus and that the secret of life is that there isn't a secret. Everything is open for us to claim.

    Love,
    Janie

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  22. Although I'm a registered independent, I hold fairly conservative views. From birth until I was in my late teens, we were excruciatingly poor, but I always saw the glass half full despite the poverty. My belief in God is what holds me together during the tougher times even now. My sister stole a quote from somewhere which she says was written just for me: 'You're the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, the devils says, 'Oh crap! She's up!' That makes me exceedingly happy :)

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  23. I believe there is a positive in absolutely every situation, God, Family, and Country we have to take care of and believe in all three to be happy, and to finalize my thought on this you have to believe in yourself and be happy in who you are because if you don't how can you expect anyone else to.

    Thought provoking post my friend, Thank You.

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  24. Your list is a good one. As for me, to get specific, i will have to think about it when i'm better rested.

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  25. I must say that it saddens me to think that your Mother is so sad or angry with the world. She has so much to offer the world with her wealth of knowledge at living to be 87. Oh the changes she has seen.
    My Great Grandmother lived to be 100 and I remember staying with her as a child, she needed someone to look out for her a bit. I was only about 11, not a lot of help but she didn't feel like she was being watched with me like she did if one of her kids stayed with her. She taught me how to make gravy.
    A few years later her house was sold and she moved in with my Grandfather, her son, and eventually into a nursing home. She was different after leaving her home, much quieter and kept to herself a lot.

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  26. I'm not American, so my view [insert disclaimer here] is of an outsider looking in. American's in general really get hung-up on the word 'socialism', yet when examined closely they want everything they are already receiving in one form or another. The term socialism just gets a different spin on it. The focus is to use language that omits any reference to socialism. Dare I say, the U.S is a socially democratic nation.

    Your mother is a remarkable lady.



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  27. I believe all sorts of things, but I also believe you should do yourself and your Mom a favor, and "fog" her when she starts going so negative. It's gotten reflexive, and it can't be pleasant. Whenever she starts to rant, give her nothing but "uh" and "oh" and bland looks (NOT disagreeing with her, which is attention), and the second she says anything positive, about anything, the weather, a flower, whatever, light up like the Fourth of July. It's clicker training for adults. In short order she will quit going down the sad, mad road and start looking up. It will be easier for both of you, and it works. Works fast, too.

    I don't say this because I disagree with her statements, although I do, and I don't think people need to be sunny all the time, or agree with me. But it sounds as though she's gotten in a warp that will not serve her well, and she may become so unpleasant you will begin to avoid her, and that's not good either.

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  28. To understand our own inner beings changes everything as we shed misconceived thoughts and practices. Great thought provoking post Stephen.

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  29. It's unfortunate that your mother feels bad about mostly everything in this world. But we all have our life to live and hopefully, we live it the best way we can. And this is why despite all the bad things happening today, I still believe that we can all make this a better place for our children.

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  30. I believe in one God, the father, the Almighty, Maker of all that is, seen and unseen. I believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, eternally begotten of the Father, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, of one Being with the Father. Through him all things were made. For our salvation he came down from heaven: by the power of the Holy Spirit he became incarnate from the Virgin Mary, and was made man. For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate: he suffered death and was buried. On the third day he rose again in accordance with the Scriptures: he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son. With the father and the Son he is worshipped and glorified. He has spoken through the Prophets. I believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church. I acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins. I look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come.

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  31. I believe we cycle up for a while, then we cycle down for a while, but hopefully over time the up cycles rise higher and the down cycles don't sink quite as low, and that at least in historical terms we eventually make some progress. I'd like to believe that behind the workings of our universe there's some kind of guiding hand, but whether there is or not, I'll just keep on plugging along until something or someone makes me stop. As for the matter at hand, I have to say I agree with your mother on a couple of points -- prices ARE too high and she's right, there's nothing good to watch on TV! -- but I think your response is inspired and the president should hire you as a speechwriter.

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  32. While you lot were arguing about whether the glass of water was half full or half empty, I drank it.

    Sincerely,

    The Opportunist


    Ps. You are also now out of beer.

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  33. I won't make this an evangelizing comment beyond saying that, as a Christian, I believe that what we believe in is all-important. Even if one doesn't share my religious views, I have to believe it pays dividends to be optimistic. However, I've seen types, perhaps such as your mom, who seem to thrive on pessimism, too, so maybe I've got it all wrong :-)

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  34. I'm sorry your mom feels so negatively all of the time. It must be exhausting to feel unable to come up with something positive.. or at best be wary of your motives for asking her to state a belief. I sometimes see myself in those around me when they're being negative, and it's a good learning opportunity when I can say to myself.. "this is not what I want to be."

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  35. Beautiful post. Sadly, I think we have too many unhappy people like your mother (and my sister) around these days. They let fear win over love every time. I'm still on love's side. :)

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